Heart Of Hearts: Is It Karma or Just Life?

Sometimes in life we do not realize things that are right before our very eyes. Nobody is perfect, that is a given fact that we should all acknowledge. But there comes a time when we pretend to be, we like to think of ourselves as the innocent person no matter how bad choices or mistakes we have made or are making w/out others knowing.

We all try to hide things whether big or small, things of the past or even the present and act like it never happened or like it is not relevant to the present. And all I can do is ask myself "why?" Why the hell do we continuously look at ourselves as the victim? And even when we are the victim in a situation why do we over emphasize our role knowing we are not perfect and we've made bad decisions and have done bad things too. Expecting someone to be completely open with you and giving you access to every inch of information there is to know even about things that there is no point in you knowing, and then in return you do not give them the same or at least half of that.

Then where and how are you meeting them halfway to make anything better. Where is it that we cross the line from harmless lies, control of our so called "privacy", and things that have happened but have no meaning? To lying or hiding more serious things such as notes, to putting passwords on every device we use for social media or to communicate at all ever. Which brings me to the million dollar question, when it comes to relationships. Do we all lie and cheat at some point? And then act like the victim or get angry when the other person finds out? How far do we really go when no one knows what we are doing? Do we keep a mental line we do not cross when no one is looking? I will openly admit the fact that I have cheated. But I kept a line I refused to cross, although all I did was go out with the person a few times and flirt.. it is never the less still cheating but less than what other people have done and are capable of doing.
     The worst thing someone can come across is finding a note or more than one thing that tells you or makes it seem like that the person you are with is not necessarily as good or whatever you wanna call it as they appear or like to appear to you. Knowing someone is only human is going to make mistakes is the correct way to approach various kinds of situations but it is not always the route we take when we are angry or feel like things are not what they appear to be. It is never the less true that most everyone at some point will cheat, no matter how good something is for whatever reason we will cheat and another big fact is that the other person wont always find out.

But when there are things laying around that give away things that have happened and you just so happen to find them you really never know what to think but the obvious. Or maybe you'll lie to yourself and say well this probably meant or means nothing, or its probably old there is no way. But when things seem weird and have exact dates on them then what do you do then?? Funny how life turns out huh.. Maybe its karma or maybe we are all.. and excuse my language. But maybe we are all just fucked up people.

True gentleman Salvador Dali once said: “Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.” 

P.S. excuse any misspelling or missing commas,etc. but when you want to get something off your chest it doesn't really matter.

                                                                   -Steph

Heart Of Hearts: Happy Thanksgiving

I woke up today with inspiration and such wonder , which i always seem to have had unless something is going on and which i was lately lacking. So i woke up today and laid in bed and I look to my left and see that there is no other place id rather be than right where I was. I felt lucky but over all thankful for my life so far and thankful for the people that I love and love me the people that matter. And in a short description those people would be my significant other and my family because everyone else is just a stranger if you really think about it. Then i finally got out of bed and turned on a movie as i was getting ready. Laugh If you want but i saw that last dance scene from Step Up Revolution and then it hit me that so many people give up on their dreams and things they love for different reasons but the giving up is the point. And it sucks to be someone who ends up sad and bitter in life because you were too scared to take a chance on something good.. something you believed and something you loved. This thanksgiving I am beyond thankful for the people in my life over anything else because those people have been there for me, and there is one in particular who did noy have to be there for me but instead of walking away that person stayed and has shown me and is showing me everyday to be a better person because no one is perfect, that person is the person who has encouraged me when I've been down and so many other things. But back to the point of this post never give up on what you believe in because you will eventually regret it. We all live and then eventually we die, so it is much more rewarding to say that at the end of the day you did what you loved and what made you happy in life, whatever it may be in life that makes you happy do it. Whether it is being in love and maybe struggling because no relationship is perfect, doing what you love for a living, exploring the world, following summer around the world, being a dancer, whatever it is that you love do it now because to it is better to say you have done it than to see others do it and you never having the chance to be in that same place.


HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!! :]
                                                         xx -Steph

Heart of Hearts: Each Person One World

No matter how surrounded we are, we always end up alone eventually.

People go out and do things like work, hang out with friends, go grocery shopping, go for a run, hang out with family, etc. So it is kind of impossible to be surrounded at all times, heck even when you're surrounded at times you may find yourself feeling completely alone (mentally or something like that anyway) Its like when you're in your own head keeping your thoughts to yourself, you know you think and think and its like you're transported into this whole completely different world; the one that lives inside your head with the things you dream and hope for, the things that make you angry but you don't say out loud, your fears (even if others including yourself may find them stupid).

 There are many things, but in its entirety what down to the very root makes you the person you are such as your memories, your experiences, the struggles and the things that you continue to experience everyday until God decides to shut the lights out for good (scary  right?).
A coffee shop is quite an interesting place to experience people and see in some form the detailed way we behave in different situations, everybody's impatiently waiting for their coffee angry,sleepy,over worked and some of the time even hungover. In that moment we overlook the fact that we're all just human and that we only have two hands, and can only move so quickly in a place that hardly can hold more than thirty people, we also fail to notice that there's only four or five people working behind the counter at a time and that at least two of them is going to have to take your order.

I guess that the point I'm trying to make here is that as they say every person is their own world in a way, and that more 75% percent of the time if not more we are selfish to our own needs and our own schedule and just what we want. We sometimes turn our everyday life's into a big bowl of  "me, me, ME." This is when things go south with those around us, when its always about us. My grandma once said to me she thought people had been made to in times of need not always but sometimes to just watch out one for the other, and help each other out.
But it doesn't really happen like that not often anyway, prime example and completely relevant to the fact that sometimes we're just plain selfish. When someone is gay and they come out to their family it's never okay EVER with their family; the people who are supposed to be there to help in times of need, in times when the rest of the world is judging them. Instead they decide to be angry,and in denial to the fact that a person is just who they are.

Being gay does not ever under any circumstance make someone less human, never does it degrade the quality of their being it, just means they think and feel a bit differently than you do. When people aren't accepting of not just this situation but any situation they cannot change that's were the selfishness comes in to play, families for example worry about the image of their "perfectly" brought up and polished union to be stained because one of the group is just a tad different. How in the world does that make you a good person?
 It doesn't, it just goes to show how judgmental people can be. I mean who was to tell you that..that super adorable baby boy or girl you brought into the world would one day be a little different and not even in gigantic way, it doesn't mean you raised them wrong or that there's something wrong or off about them.
 Who was to say they'd find their own person one day and want to embrace that person they know they are, they weren't going to stay tiny forever and you knew that. The judging never helps specially when, you never even tried to understand or listen to the reason why. The judging and the lack of support only leaves them to the cruel hard world way to soon, and that only eventually leads to that person taking their lifes , and in a sense it was your fault too for not being there when they needed you. Its not okay to always be selfish, specially when there's someone who you should be helping, who actually needs you. Maybe its true that each person is their own world but that doesn't mean we should forget about all the other worlds walking past us down the street.


                                                         xx -Steph

Heart Of Hearts: Realistically

What is wrong with people there is seriously something wrong with us. Every single time we have something good we somehow figure out a way to ruin it, all of our lifes we dream of finding that ideal person who will make us feel whole and accept us for who we are.. The real us, not that us that we show the people around us because we secretly know we cannot trust everyone who flashes a smile in our direction. Then comes that defining moment that can change everything forever , when we finally get that person we have always hoped to find and mess it all up by cheating and lieing. Why in Gods name do we do that it almost always happens like that and we end up screwing our entire lifes and having commitment, follow through and all other kinds of issues. It rarely never happens that we do things completely right the first time around it never happens just how it should. Like for example waiting to have sex till marriage but doing it because you are madly and completely in love with that person. But at the same time messing such perfection up by either, cheating, lieing, putting up walls, being too scared to try because you've always been given up on and many more things.. The list could go on forever because we all have it so different than others, then sometimes we don't but we all eff things up one way or the other. That is until that oh so right person comes along and gives us the chance to turn a new leaf. Then maybe just maybe after all the fighting and screaming and the laughing and the crying and last but not least the love that lies or that lied there you can finally bring yourself to stop being scared to give it your all like you've never done before.

Winston Churchill once said : “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” 
And on the same token Mother Teresa said: “Give, but give until it hurts.”  



So as i sit here and enjoy warm and sweet cinnamon roll I say why the hell not give something that could make you happy for the rest of this crappy existence actually HAPPY.. Your all, and maybe then youll stop feeling like a bad person and you and others will see you differently.


                                                            xx-Steph

Intro

For quite some time I have been wanting to start a personal blog. Aside from the one I already maintain, so that personal things are not mixed in within the other blog.

This blog is up because sometimes people just need somewhere to vent, let things go, or just express feelings that they would otherwise keep repressed. I called it heart of hearts because I will be writing things that if I did not I would a lot of the time keep to myself (essentially being things that come from the hear).
 The link to the blog is called seagoatsheart.blogspot.com because I am a capricorn, and well every other name including my own as a url was taken according to google. So here's to the beginning of many personal posts to come , here I open up to whoever is reading and whoever can relate which most of the time will be complete strangers. Inst that ironic? How sometimes we open up to people we do not even know for no reason at all even just cause we need to?


                                                                 xx -Steph